happiness
Happiness is yet another abstract noun that has almost exhausted its meaning through overuse. Researchers have definitions for it. I am not a fan but it has some currency so here it is.
Misery has many faces and takes many complex and interesting turns but happiness is straight-forward and all much the same.
seeking pleasure
We are hard wired to strive to feel good and avoid feeling bad for survival. Pleasure seeking is the strongest drive. However we need the whole range of positive and negative feelings and emotions to guide us. In our natural environment dangerous things feel bad and essentials for survival feel good.
Being happy all the time without the varying shades of negative feelings flies in the face of nature. It requires disconnecting from reality, taking drugs or inactivity. The pursuit of ceaseless happiness can lead to disaster for individuals, societies and the planet if they shut out the guidance, learning and breakthroughs that discomfort and suffering bring.
Having said that, happy people on the whole tend to live longer, earn more money, endure pain better, persist longer at tasks. They are more successful in jobs, more altruistic, consider others, set higher goals, have better health, more friends, better relationships, lower blood pressure and better immune systems
They are more likely to be married and interested in music, reading and chatting. They are less likely to be interested in over-eating, gourmet food, drink, drugs, gambling, loveless sex, TV or shopping which bring immediate but fleeting pleasure.
Those who are materialistic are less happy. Happiness does not increase as income rises above basic needs. Those who are satisfied with their income tend to be happy. Debt erodes peace of mind more than poverty.
Poverty causes unhappiness but the homeless in Calcutta are much happier than the homeless in New York.
Prosperity and well-being is highest in societies where religion is practised least with for example less crime, suicide, drug use, incarceration, unemployment and corruption.
suggestions
Avoiding the valuable guidance of negative feelings by pretending to be cheerful can be exhausting and lead us to stagnation or out of touch with the real world.
However there is no point in feeling miserable if it serves no purpose so here are some positive thinking suggestions I have picked up over the years from clients and therapists in case they are useful.
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clear disempowering emotions. Don’t wait to achieve goals - have the good feeling without bothering to reach the goal.
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check negative internal chatter and negative mantras and their negative emotional associations.
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visualisation. Imagine moving negative preoccupations towards the back of the head perhaps out of the head or into a rubbish bin.
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focus on problems 5% and on solutions 95%
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talk through problems
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forgive – let resentment go
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shed preoccupation with failure
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forget regrets
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focus on positive events
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remember feelings of appreciation, compassion, gratitude or love, warmth
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a positive posture, face and voice induces positive feelings – smiling can trigger feeling good.
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cultivate those feelings
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be curious – like a child
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be excited – passionate
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be determined
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feel certain and confident
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breathe freely
The exercises and ideas in johnbrasted.com show how to become aware of our thoughts and sensations, good and bad, so we don't get in our own way and are free to reach our full potential.
Positive thoughts and exercises don't succeed if the rest of our lifestyle holds us back. The food and drug pages outline ways to escape the pitfalls of temporary chemical pleasures like refined sugar and alcohol which disrupt hormonal systems and amplify mood swings, rage, anxiety and depression.
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copyright (C) John Brasted 2008
updated 20. Feb. 2012
