self esteem
The feelings when thinking of oneself. The relationship with oneself.
Low self esteem and its fears are the main enemy of relationships. They mostly come from early trauma perpetuated by memories and lifestyle habits.
Critical parenting and childhood abuse leave us alert to negative possibilities all around us. If we have mostly negative expectations of the intentions of others we are more ready to take offense and become frustrated and resentful.
If we bring a low opinion of ourselves and our abilities into relationships we may defer to others or resist them. We may have difficulty believing that others could possibly like us and tend to interpret their approaches as hostile, intrusive or dishonest.
These attitudes protect us in a hostile environment but limit and complicate everyday life. Unrealistic hopes, fears and fantasies restrict us from noticing and taking up opportunities. Not just the passing opportunities but those right in front of our nose every day.
Low self esteem is perpetuated when we are attracted to situations that fit a low estimation of ourselves rather than our real potential. Low self esteem can persist even when we have satisfaction and recognition in other parts of our life where we excel.
When we feel bad we may feel bad about everything including our partner. When we feel anxious we may feel anxious about everything including our partner. Finding satisfaction in relationships may be elusive if we feel too insecure and insatiable.
Only when we are able to experience satisfaction and can love ourselves can we accept love and give enough to maintain relationships. If we are secure in ourselves we can be ourselves and interact freely. We can be hopeful of situations and experience feelings of enjoyment and gratitude.
Having said that, not many of us can feel great about ourselves all the time without being difficult to deal with. We need to be able to feel at least a little discomfort to be able to respond sensitively to the warning signals of others.
The ideas and exercises on the body, mind, stress and awareness therapy pages help let go of habits that are in the way and move on to feel comfortable and confident.
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copyright (C) John Brasted 2008
updated 11/29/11
