the 3 principles
Carl Rogers in his work on Person Centered Therapy suggests three essential guiding principles, often summed up as a therapist's unconditional, positive and authentic regard. Real and friendly interest, no matter what.
first principle – unconditional, unprejudiced, open
It is not always easy to put aside personal needs and expectations like the need for success or approval so they don't intrude. Stories of misery can be unsettling or even personally threatening. It can be tempting to point out the obvious and suggest changes to thoughts, feelings or actions and even try to bully or blackmail someone into not feeling the way they do.
A therapists personal opinions and reactions waste time and block unfolding ideas. Skirting around or glossing over uncomfortable topics with reassurance or chatter signals that they are taboo. A topic that a therapist missed or found uncomfortable or exciting may be avoided from then on. A lost opportunity may not be repeated.
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Be interested rather than interesting. |
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Seek to understand rather than to be understood. Perhaps checking to see if we understand.. |
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Set aside anxieties, biases and prejudices so they don't colour our interpretation of a conversation. |
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Set aside memories of previous conversations |
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Start where the other person is at. |
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Stay with where they are at the moment. Without anticipating what will be said next or preparing responses. |
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Allow preoccupations to be brought up and elaborated freely. Especially fleeting allusions to topics that are being floated to test the waters but can't quite be voiced yet. |
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Give people enough space to hear what they are saying. |
self determination
Allowing the other person to own the therapeutic space and work out what to do and what to think rather than thinking for them. Being a facilitator or enabler instead of joining in and becoming a part of the problem.
contracts
Contracts or understandings can help define the therapeutic space and relationship. However a treatment plan even if it is negotiated can take therapy down predetermined paths and silence those thoughts that have not yet found their way into consciousness.
questions
A therapist's questions usually reveal more about their own anxieties and needs than the answers reveal about a client.
There are many kinds of questions. Some are accusations. Some are intrusive and even violent. Some are commands to stop and retrieve and divulge information. Some are indirect requests to stop talking about something discomforting.
On the other hand rhetorical questions that are reflective or just demand affirmation may lubricate the conversation.
no diagnosis - nonjudgmental
A diagnosis can alienate clients or determine the direction of therapy. It can suspend personal intuition and even override common sense. Disrupting spontaneous mutual understanding. Therapist and client can go into orbit around a diagnosis.
Our intellectual judgments of others usually contain projections of ourselves and our frame of reference and get in the way of deeper understanding.
second principle - positive, empathic, loving, warm
Liking the people we help – enjoying being with them. Feeling good. Feeling their discomfort without revulsion, fear, or dislike.
Adding to someone's negative experiences and social pressures with criticism or threats of abandonment usually impedes therapy. Lack of empathy is usually detected even if not consciously. The response is often to collude, keep a distance or try to make reparation.
A close connection becomes obvious as client and therapist mimic and pace each others' movements, rhythms and postures.
Being nice, sympathetic or condoling may be cheering or validating and might be useful in motivational therapy but can suppress those emerging trains of thought that can eventually lead into core problems.
Having said that, punitive and sympathetic responses are part of the currency of human interactions and are impossible to exclude entirely. They are often automatic reflexes.
third principle – authentic, congruent, spontaneous, real
Being the same on the inside as the outside – open and truthful - without pretense. When our thoughts, feelings and demeanor in therapy are congruent with the rest of our life we can be ourselves without the effort of putting up a front. We can be totally present with all our energy.
Each of us is a different kind of therapist with our own unique personality and style. We find our own way to use a theoretical framework, and find our own voice within it. We couldn't copy all the subtleties of someone else's approach exactly even if we wanted to.
These qualities might not be obvious to someone when they are traumatised or intoxicated. Embodying them is not enough. They must be noticed to be effective.
copyright (C) John Brasted 2008
updated 11/06/11
