trauma

After experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event like an accident, violence, natural disaster or prolonged abuse the world or oneself usually feels less safe and predictable. An unexpected reminder in a conversation, sound or movement may trigger a disabling stress reaction. And the trigger might not even be consciously noticed.

People react to trauma by numb withdrawal or becoming over-vigilant, resentful, distrustful and quick to anger. The world seems hostile or unfair. These responses are life saving in dangerous environments but are a liability in a safe community if they keep us on edge or frozen in the past. Social life may become restricted by feelings like betrayal, resentment, blame, hostility, fear, envy or confusion.

Preoccupation with past events can be debilitating and a large minority of traumatised people cope to some extent by avoiding revisiting the memories. However overwhelming flashbacks or preoccupations with traumatic events can gradually be put into perspective and become less painful by revisiting them in a safe and relaxed place.

By working through traumatic events and challenging the fears they leave behind they no longer have to be avoided or covered up. The reasons for the overwhelming feelings and what triggers them are out in the open so they don't come as such a surprise. Uncomfortable at first but rewarding in the long run. We are only as sick as our denial.

abuse
Abuse can lead to all the health and emotional consequences of stress and burnout. This is complicated by the instinctive empathy that most of us feel for others, even abusers, after we have absorbed their personalities and values.

childhood trauma
Punishment and fear based child-rearing promotes low self esteem and habits of responding with rage or depression. Unless they are distressed most animals do not punish their offspring. They train their young to respond to alarm calls but don't terrorise them.

Abuse or sexual abuse deprives us of room to be ourselves and know what we want. We learn to placate others or keep a distance. Not to have another opinion or think for ourselves. This is complicated by the instinctive empathy we have for others even if they are abusive. People identify with their abusers, take on their values and copy them in some ways.

Children lack the power and knowledge to avoid most kinds of abuse and may not realise the full extent of their hurt or loss for years after especially in the case of sexual abuse if they experienced some enjoyment during abuse or seduction. Self-blame may slow the realisation of what happened.

People with a secure upbringing and happy childhood tend to be more relaxed, resilient, flexible, adaptable, less easily traumatised, less likely to let traumatic events into their lives and have less need to control their environment. They are more relaxed and more likely to respond with curiosity or amusement than distress to new situations.

The effects of childhood trauma persist throughout life. Children chronically exposed to family turmoil, violence, noise, poor housing or other chronic stress risk factors show more stress-induced physiological damage than other young people unless they have supportive mothers. Research shows that abuse lowers measured intelligence.

The presence of a single significant person in our life who provided self esteem, safety or real communication can be sufficient to give us a foundation of reality to build a resilient and comfortable personality.

Building a new life requires adjusting to the loss of a familiar lifestyle and ways of relating to others. They may be hard to let go of - traumatic as they may have been.

habits
Old habits can limit us without us noticing. After years of stress or abuse, stressful and abusive situations may be familiar and managable. Expected and taken for granted. We may lack the experience to deal with comfortable situations. Being relaxed may set off vague feelings of uncertainty or unease. On guard against surprise threats.

It is possible to become so alert to dangers that opportunities are missed. Intuitive feelings that alert us to problems and opportunities may be overlooked or not trusted.

Someone who has been criticised as a child may become self critical and criticising or try to please. Perfectionist. They tend to notice the ways that others are wrong and overlook the ways that they are right and re-interpret and reinterpret communications from others so they can be dismissed as wrong or trivial. A career in a safe predictable environment where this critical attention to detail is valued can be satisfying. Adventure can be found in books and movies.

As someone feels more secure their intuition and feelings are clearer and they can begin to trust their judgement and move on to adventures on the real screen.

PTSD
The war trauma page and the links below describe the origins of PTSD and ways to re-orientate and rebuild after a horrifying experience or loss.

homelessness
Many homeless have been so traumatised as children that they have such negative expectations of others that communicating is difficult. Negotiating with landlords or employers is often impossible. Many attract a diagnosis of mental illness.

recovery
We usually recover spontaneously from a traumatic event. Not so easy if it caused extreme fear or horror at the time and left strong memories.

To suffer or to witness suffering produces sensitivity and activates us to change ourselves or the world we live in. Endurance, wisdom and skills grow as we work though its crippling effects.

Find some part of the body, a safe place, some time of life (perhaps from before the trauma) or a new role that is OK and build on that. Or perhaps the memory of someone who was a positive influence. Someone supportive, if they can endure the distress, may be able to provide parenting or nurturing as fresh start with safe postie feelings to build on.

The most powerful remedy I have found is to learn a new skill particularly a new motor skill like a sport, computer games, a musical instrument or a trade in a safe and comfortable environment. Or perhaps visiting a new place or spending time with a new friend. This is a chance to build a new life with few connections to the past. The body can experience activities free from the tensions of the past and draw on this experience of a safe world at times of crisis to realise that the flashbacks and the nightmares are not all there is. When we do things we move from our past memories into our senses and the future.

Just as negative relationships and situations can be degrading so also positive friends and communities can be the foundation for a new and productive life.

When someone is ready to talk through traumatic incidents to understand them and put them into perspective, awareness therapy and the suggestions and exercises on the stress, mind and body pages are a starting point towards regaining confidence and finding ways to trust one's own feelings and judgment again.

copyright (C) John Brasted 2008
updated 06/11/11

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